Last year I quit drinking and got sober. I did it cold turkey … not a drop with the exception of a glass of champagne at New Years (that I sipped to be polite but didn’t finish).
It was something I’d never had the will power to do before.
But the motivation came from the persistent feeling that I had been muddling my way through life and not paying attention. Blurred memories, vague conversations and a complete lack of awareness of body tension until I exploded emotionally in reaction to triggering events. This felt like the story of my life and I was ready (aching) for change.
I never considered myself an addict, but with more than a year of clarity from my sobriety journey now, I’d say that I was. (If you’re wondering if you’re addicted, check out this post.)
The problem with alcohol is that it masks our feelings and can create a negative cycle of anxiousness, depression and, for some … shame, regret and a trail of irreparable relationships. This was me.
The first thing I noticed, at about 5 weeks sober, was that I was experiencing daily waves of anxiety. I’d never noticed it before, but now I was acutely aware of it. I tried to sit with it, feel it, allow it to wash through me …
But it wouldn’t go quietly.
What I experienced was an accumulation of energy in my body, that made me feel fidgety and often nauseous. In trying to figure out how to live a sober life, I started playing “The Game of Opposites”.
Try this …
- When you feel bad, how do you make yourself feel better?
- Does what you normally do, make you feel better long term?
- If not, is there an “opposite action” you could try that might provide more permanent relief?
That’s when the desire to exercise kicked in for me. I had to rid my body of this energy and I needed to find a different way. Also, being sober, I found it easy to wake up alert and keen to move (the opposite of my previous self).
Often what we think we need to do to resolve negative feelings doesn’t help us cope long term, like …
- Hiding under the duvet because we feel down;
- Cancelling on an event because we’re scared to go; or
- Reaching for another glass of wine after a tough day.
These actions are ok on occasion, but if you know they’re not really helping you, give my “Game of Opposites” a try.
Change is difficult. Getting sober is difficult. But so is living with regret and shame.